Create Life

So, I'm sitting here in my room, at 1:22 am, next to my heater, and breathing in the sweet aroma of apple cinnamon candle, and thinking..

So many wrong things happen to to many great people. I ask myself, is this how it's always going to be? Is this what makes our world go 'round? I don't think any one really knows. We don't really know anything, until that something happens.

Ive spent to many times in my room, crying to myself , wondering why life has brought me so many challenges. TOO many nights I've had wondering what life would be like if I was a whole new person. Would it really be any different?

It has taken me years, without a doubt, to just understand, why things had been so rough for me through my past. And to this day, I still am learning something about myself each and every morning I wake up. though I am young, and have numerous amount of challenges to face, I have just the smallest amount of understanding why life is so hard.

If life was a peach, what would we learn? What could we possibly learn that could make us a better person? there would be no mistake to correct, or flaw to fix. So what would we be like? Where would our goals take place? The worst that happens, is what really defines who we can be. When that something terrible happens, how are you going to handle it? through anger, and dispair? or through dignity and hope? It's your path to choose. You are your own creator. What you put into your life, is what you will get out of it.

The years that I've had depression, were the years that I had no self respect. I hated every single ounce of myself. I had no faith, confidence, hope, understanding, or pride. I had given up on my undergoing creation of my own being. I threw down the instructions to self improvment and decided to take the easy route and give up. Where did that lead me? Absolutley nowhere. I was lost, empty, and hollow. When you give up on your self, there is nothing that will fill up your emptiness until you re fuel your digity first. It is 100% up to you to make your life more satisfying.

Ages 13-18 I was an emotional roller coaster, that shut down so many times from such severe bumps in the tracks.
At the age of 19, this year now, is when I finally picked myself up, and I had reacharged. It was time to live. I was tired of wondering all the time. i was tired of asking un-answerable questions. tired of self pity. and tired of giving up. i had realized that I was the one that had caused all this pain. I had felt the way I felt because I allowed to be defeated. well you know what? thats over now . I have my guards up, I have a sense of dignity, and pride in myself. And I regained confidence in myself that no one is going to take away from me. It was time to become someone.

For those who are suffering from unfortunate things, or from unexepected bumps in the tracks, remember something. Coming from someone who has had some unimaginable challenges..
Life is never over until you let it die. You are your own creator, and when you allow yourself to break apart, you will become trapped in the traffic of dispaire. Take charge of your pathway, and always move forward.